


Falling's Not the Problem

by singnorequiem



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Insecurity, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-09-07 05:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8785870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singnorequiem/pseuds/singnorequiem
Summary: When I'm falling, I'm at peace.
  
  It's only when I hit the ground that causes all the grief.





	1. Down the Rabbit Hole Once More

Jinyoung falls a lot.

When he was a child, he would trip over his own feet. He remembers there was a beautiful boy in his class. When the boy first transferred there, Jinyoung thought he was an angel. The beautiful boy, whose eyes sparkled and skin glowed, raced anyone to the swings. Jinyoung wanted to run with him and watch the wind sweep through his hair. Instead, he nursed his scraped knee far away from the sound of boys laughing over his fall.

When he was a bit older, he would trip over his words. He remembers there was a boy who wore glasses and buried his nose in books. He kept to himself. But when he spoke, it was poetry. Jinyoung spent one semester listening to him recite plays and another semester writing and rewriting letters to him. He wanted to talk about the world, the stars, and the infinite possibilities with him. Instead, his letter came back with corrections in ugly red marks.

Now he trips over his own heart because he wears it on his sleeve where it always hangs by a thread.

\---

“As your best friend,” Jackson says as he stuffs two spring rolls in his mouth at the same time.

Jinyoung scoffs into his book. The first day he met Jackson, he had already claimed they were going to be best friends forever. “First of all, you’re best friends with most of this school so that label doesn’t hold as much weight as you want it to.” He doesn’t even spare Jackson a glance as he tries to argue with his mouth full. “Second of all, the way you eat is obscene. Have you considered finishing your sentence before stuffing your face?”

“As your bestest friend,” Jackson corrects, his mouth only somewhat less full than before, “I would strongly advise you to not go on that date.”

“And I would strongly advise you to learn proper superlatives.” It wasn’t the first time Jinyoung heard this speech. There was, apparently, talk among the grapevine that this guy was notorious for being fickle. It didn’t matter to him. He didn’t care. “Besides”—he fidgets in his seat—“it’s a _study_ date.” Nothing else.

Jackson’s eye roll is palpable. “Whatever. Don’t come crying to me when he doesn’t show.”

But when his date doesn’t show, Jinyoung calls Jackson anyways. And even though he normally gives Jinyoung so much shit about his questionable life choices, he doesn’t say I told you so when Jinyoung cries. He does, however, offer to set that guy’s hair on fire.

\---

It was dead in the middle of winter when Jinyoung first met Jaebum.

Jackson had gone home for break. When Jinyoung saw him off at the airport, Jackson screamed, " _MAKE GOOD CHOICES_ ," before disappearing into the terminal. Jinyoung was so mortified that he felt elated at the prospect of some peace and quiet. But now that Jackson has been gone for almost a week, it just feels lonely.

Without Jackson there to fill up the silence, Jinyoung has too much time to think and the thoughts push him out of the house in the middle of the night and into the empty streets.

He thinks about the beautiful boy from first grade who made him always take a second look in the mirror. There was always something to fix. He thinks about glasses boy from high school who always made him pile on another book, another topic, another class. It’s never enough. He thinks about every boy in between and all the little things he could have done to make a difference in their eyes. He thinks about all the work he still has to do.

“You alright?”

Jinyoung blinks out of his stupor. A man not much older than him hovers hesitantly in front of him. He should probably focus on the fact that his fingers were frozen and probably needed to be amputated at this point, but the stranger had half his face swallowed by a red scarf and it was very cute and very distracting.

“It’s just that its 2AM and it’s snowing and you seemed really"—he pauses—"contemplative.” His eyes were trained onto Jinyoung’s, as if he were afraid Jinyoung would break at any moment.

It occurred to Jinyoung that he should be warier of the fact that he is talking to a stranger in the middle of a cold, abandoned street, but he gives the man a smile anyways. “I’m okay.” Well, okay implied he didn’t just wander around in nothing but a hoodie to a part of town he didn’t recognize only to sit in a daze for 2 hours, but the stranger didn’t need to know that.

The man narrows his eyes, unconvinced, but he says nothing about it. Instead, he shoves a large cup of tea into Jinyoung’s hands. They stay in a strange silence for a couple more seconds. It wasn’t until Jinyoung took a sip of the tea when the stranger smiles ever so slightly. He starts to leave, but seeing that Jinyoung makes no effort to move, he marches back to him. “Go home already,” he mutters as he wraps his scarf around Jinyoung. Then, he was gone.

It wasn’t until after the man left that Jinyoung realized he missed a bunch of text from Jackson.

 

 **[12:03 AM] From: Jacks**  
_what do u mean ur going for a walk????_  
 _where r u going??_  
 _Its 12am!!!!!_  
 _jinyoung??_  
 _at least wear a jacket!!!!!_

****[12:38 AM] From: Jacks  
**** _why aren’t u answering???_

****[1:24 AM] From: Jacks  
**** _dont fall for the first guy u see just because im not there to tell u not to_

 

Oh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~I like to write things and then not finishing them.~~   
>  ~~But I also left it hanging in case I decide not to be that asshole.~~
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I made something that resembles an outline. I'm trying.


	2. A Cautious Chase

“What was the one thing I told you not to do?!” 

Jinyoung all but clamps his hand over Jackson’s screaming. In retrospect, he probably should have picked anywhere other than the crowded cafeteria to suddenly decide he wanted to be honest with Jackson. It is too early in the morning for so many simultaneous judgmental glances. “Can you stop overreacting? I didn’t fall for anyone. I just thought he was nice,” he hisses, letting go when Jackson nearly bites his hand off. “Besides, it doesn’t even matter because I haven’t seen him since.”

“Being nice to you isn’t a good enough reason to let people stomp on your heart.”

“He has to be physically present first to do that, remember?” Jinyoung earns a punch in the arm. 

“Don’t root for people to break you.” Jackson’s tone is light, but his hand lingers on Jinyoung’s arm and he immediately knows Jackson is genuinely concerned.

It’s at times like these when Jinyoung remembers that very few people realize, behind his boisterous personality, Jackson is a very softhearted person. He sighs and leans his head on Jackson. “I won’t break.”

 

\---

 

Jinyoung spends the next month throwing himself at schoolwork. Text messages from different friends become increasingly ignored. Jackson doesn’t bring the stranger up again, but Jinyoung sees him eyeing the red scarf sitting neatly on his dresser every time he comes by to invite Jinyoung out. 

He was just about to finish up a chapter on pulmonary disorders when Jackson slams his door open. “I’m here to pick you up.”

It’s truly a sight to see as Jackson tries to physically drag Jinyoung out of the house by the collar of his sweatshirt. He regrets giving Jackson his passcode just a little bit. “Usually, you ask the other party if they agree to go before hauling them out in their pajamas.” All he gets is a grunt in return. He will give Jackson the credit for not giving up, though. He has Jinyoung’s shirt in a bunch, but they did make it out of the bedroom and through the living room.

“You know”—Jackson finally stops using Jinyoung to wipe the floor—“I get it if you don’t want to hang out all the time, but how can you reject me 13 times in a week?” Jinyoung can’t tell if he’s joking or if he’s really angry and he finds himself scrambling off the floor, excuses already spilling out.

“Jac—“

“Save your I’m-studying-not-wallowing-about-a-certain-someone bullshit,” he huffs in defeat. “I’m here because Mark invited us to his viewing party. You would know this if you didn’t ignore his past 143 messages. Are you going to say no to this too?”

 

Which is how he ends up loitering around the back of a loft in a suffocatingly nice dress shirt.

Mark is a close friend. The film major had to take a basic science course as a requirement and mistakenly ended up in Jinyoung’s higher level biology class. Their quiet, eccentric sense of humor had them clicking in an instant. Jinyoung made sure Mark passed the class. Mark kept Jinyoung’s workaholic tendencies from spiraling out of control. Now, Mark just keeps tabs on him and Jinyoung has nothing to offer in return.

Jinyoung spies Mark across the room, shyly beaming at zealous attendees. He had put together a heart-wrenching mini documentary about social inequality in only one semester. It’s no surprise everyone’s climbing on top of each other to praise him. Jinyoung had meant to give him some words of appreciation, but Mark was constantly being pulled away by admirers. It’s not like the words of a medical student would mean much anyways.

So, he settles for people-watching. Too many people here are desperate for a sliver of recognition. Only a cluster of people is here to support Mark and the rest of them are flitting around, shamelessly promoting their own work or trying to get into Mark’s good graces now that he’s on his way to fame. He knows Mark is too nice to say anything about it, but it rubs Jinyoung the wrong way. He stops grimacing when he sees a man silently watching the crowd as well.

A flash of recognition hits him. His mind races to put together fragments of a man hidden behind a scarf on a dark, snowy night. Before he could even work up the courage to do anything, he watches the man answer a call and wave a goodbye to Mark before slipping out of the room. 

 

Jackson maneuvers his way with Mark in tow, claiming he's saving him from the crowd of leeches. He grabs a plate of food for Jinyoung only to clock the way Jinyoung’s eyes trail someone as they leave the room. He nudges Mark. “Who’s the guy leaving just now?”

Mark squints at the direction Jackson’s pointing. “Oh, that’s Jaebum. Really talented guy. He wrote all of the music I used in the film.”

Jackson whistles in approval. “What’s he like?”  
  
Mark raises an eyebrow, but he doesn’t press. “He’s nice, I guess?”  
  
“You guess?”

“No, he _is_ nice, but we haven’t really talked all that much.”  
  
“Didn’t you just say he wrote all of the music in your film?”

Mark shrugs. “Yeah, but he only ever talks about work. Aside from today, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him outside of his studio. To be honest, I’m surprised he even came today.” Jackson wants elaboration, but Jinyoung’s already jogging towards them.

“Hey, hyung,” Jinyoung greets softly, unsure of how to explain his shitty ability at maintaining friendships.

Mark gives him a knowing smile before enveloping him in a hug. “Park Jinyoung, the resident idiot.” His laugh is quiet, but rings of a million I-forgive-you’s.

 

\---

 

“I’m glad you’re answering my messages again.” Bambam feigns sobbing into Jinyoung’s arm. “It’s so hard to do my management homework without you.” Bless Yugyeom for having the good sense to pull him back before Jinyoung does something violent.

“Hyung,” he whines under Yugyeom’s chokehold. “I have a management and an economics test tomorrow and I haven’t been to either class in 5 weeks. Heeeeeelp me.”

“What is economics? I study medicine, remember? I can tell you a ton about diffuse alveolar hemorrhages though.” He has to leap out of the chair as Bambam lurches out of Yugyeom’s reach, wailing something incomprehensible.

“Bam, you’re going to get us kicked out the café," Jackson says as he returns with his food. "What dumb thing did you do now?"

"He has less than 24 hours to cram 2 whole textbooks in that little head of his," Jinyoung replies when Bambam makes no effort to explain. 

Bambam sticks his tongue out as a response. "Fine. I've got Gyeom to help me."

"You funny." Yugeyom swats Bambam away, but follows him when he sulks out of the café anyways.

Jackson watches Jinyoung carefully. “You’re going to help him, aren’t you?” 

Jinyoung scowls at him, but he doesn’t deny it.

“You’re too nice for your own good.”

 

Well, it’s not like Jinyoung was just going to sit around and let Bambam fail his exam. So, he heads over to the library when he's done with his classes. What he finds is Bambam slumped over his textbooks and Youngjae hovering around him, animatedly trying to explain the topic.

“Jinyoung hyung,” Youngjae cries with relief. “I don’t know what to do. Should I call Yugyeom? He always knows how to make him feel better.”

Jinyoung pats his head affectionately. “No, Yugyeom has his dance midterm tomorrow. He’s got enough to worry about.” Youngjae sneaks a couple more glances at the unresponsive Bambam, but Jinyoung is more focused on him right now. “Youngjae,” he says evenly. “Isn’t the audition for the musical in two days?” Youngjae freezes and Jinyoung sighs. “Go home.” 

“But—” Before he gets another word in, Jinyoung’s stare has him shrinking back to his seat to gather his things. “Thanks, hyung. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jinyoung turns back to the main problem. “Bambam, time to study.”

 

They went at it for hours. Mark came by around 8 to help until he had to go back work. Jackson came by around 9 to sneak food in for them. Yugyeom stopped by around 11 even though he was exhausted and Jinyoung had to personally escort him out. By 12, both of them were confident enough that Bambam was, at the very least, not going to fail the class and called it a day.

 

**[12:18 AM] From: Bam  
** _thxxx hyung i owe u lik 14 steaks <333333_

 

The text has Jinyoung looking away from the road for 1 second and he finds a pair of arms yanking him away from a zooming car. He whips around in half terror and half anger to see a familiar face staring back at him.

The stranger’s eyes go wide in recognition. “We have got to stop meeting like this.”

Jinyoung gapes. It’s ironic that the fact that the man’s face is once again obscured by a scarf (navy, this time) is what gives him away. Regardless, how is he supposed to respond to a statement like that anyways? “Hi?” he tries.

“Hi.”

"Uh. I'm Jinyoung."

“Jaebum.”

His hand remains on Jinyoung’s arms as they cross the street. Jinyoung is not sure how he feels about this. Then, he remembers, “Oh, I still have your scarf.”

“It’s alright. Keep it.”

Jinyoung furrows his brows. “It’s too nice to be given out to random strangers.”

“Even if they’re grossly underdressed in the freezing cold?” Jinyoung flushes and Jaebum laughs lightly. “How about you buy me dinner right now instead.” 

“Dinner at 12:30 in the morning?”

Jaebum shrugs and guides him to the nearest convenience store. “I always eat around this time. That last time I saw you was my dinner time too.” And as if to further prove his point, he quickly navigated through the store until he had enough instant food for two.

“This is abysmal, even coming from a medical student,” Jinyoung says, paying for the food. “Liberal Arts major?”

“Yeah, music. How’d you know?”

Jinyoung’s eyes dart around. “Um, I saw you at Mark’s viewing party.”

“Ah.” He finally sheds his thick scarf when they sit down. His sharp features are smoothed by the fact that he is all soft smiles and twinkly eyes. “That was fun. Mark has a clear vision of what he wants. Makes writing the music much easier when the work itself is full of inspiration. But, the project I’m working on now…” he trails off, eyes distant.

“What’s it about?”

“Passion? Anger? Underachieving? I don’t know. That’s kind of the problem. The guy I’m writing for gave me this vague outline”—he takes out a rumpled sheet of paper from his pocket—“that does absolutely nothing for me.”

Jinyoung gives the sheet of paper a glance and immediately agrees. There’s hardly anything on the paper, but words like ‘boy wants to achieve, but can’t’ written in all caps and ‘pain’ circled several times in red.

Jaebum groans into his ramen. “I asked him to elaborate, but he said that it’s supposed to be a simple story so there’s isn’t anything else he can give me.”

“If it's any consolation, you kind of sound like the boy who wants to achieve, but can’t.”

Jaebum's chopsticks clatter onto the table. "You." Jinyoung looks up, 'sorry' already on the tip of his tongue, but Jaebum stares at him like he just hung the moon. “You’re a fucking genius.” 

 

 

Jinyoung thinks that falling happens in a lot of different ways. It happens when Mark always knows when Jinyoung doesn’t feel well and buys him whatever he wants to eat. It happens when Jackson looks at him and Jinyoung could see a better version of himself reflected in his eyes. It happens when Youngjae comes to him for help, trust rooted in every word he says. It happens when Bambam remembers all of Jinyoung’s advice even though he claims he doesn’t need help. It happens when Yugyeom finds all the comfort he needs in Jinyoung’s embrace.

 

It happens when he sees Jaebum look at him like his words are made of constellations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this instead of studying for accounting (and I only attended 2 classes the entire semester). Bambam was a shoutout to my poor life choices.
> 
> In other news, I do apparently intend to finish this. The question is when will my poor life choices let me.


	3. Pool of Tears

Jinyoung easily fell into step with Jaebum. 

“You’re here again,” Jaebum says matter-of-factly when Jinyoung shows up to his studio.

“As if you don’t enjoy my company or my food.” Jinyoung waggles the bag of takeout as he steps inside. “I think it’s technically against my major to let you inject yourself with instant food every day.” 

Jaebum gasps in mock offense. “When will you learn to appreciate true delicacies?”

“So you don’t want Thai food and my copy of _A Little Life_?” Jinyoung laughs when Jaebum makes grabby hands at him.

“I don’t turn down good food and a good book.”

It’s a weird routine they have now. Jinyoung brings dinner to the studio after his classes. Jaebum insists on paying for half of it. They watch shitty Youtube videos or discuss philosophical books until they have to work. And once they start working, neither of them really talk. Jaebum gets too absorbed to notice anything else. Jinyoung likes that it’s quieter than the library. It’s a good kind of silence.

And occasionally, Jaebum gets tired of working and helps Jinyoung study instead. He sucks at every form of science, but the effort he makes to turn the incomprehensible Latin terms into a catchy pop song is appreciated nonetheless. If Jinyoung cracks up during a test because a ridiculous dance Jaebum made to accompany the song, that’s his and no one else’s business.

Other times, Jaebum will silently put his headphones on Jinyoung’s ears and play a track. He always looks apprehensive. But the moment the music flows, Jinyoung always feels a little over the moon. Sometimes, he can’t help but blurt that out, much to his own embarrassment.

“I don’t know why you want my opinion,” Jinyoung brings up one day. “I don’t know the first thing about composing music.”

“And I don’t know how to change my inflexible way of thinking. It’s nice to have another perspective.” Jaebum says, his focus still trained on his computer.

“All I do is tell you is what dumb thing it reminded me of at the moment,” Jinyoung laughs. “How is that helpful at all?”

“You don’t tell me what’s good or what’s bad. You just give me what feeling is coming across. That always sets me in the right direction.” He turns to Jinyoung. “I like that about you.” If he sees Jinyoung bury his reddened face in his textbook, he doesn’t comment on it.

 

Recently, Jaebum even finishes at a normal human time and they get food that doesn’t have to be microwaved.

“You know,” Jaebum says mid-bite of his salmon poke. “I’m quite liking the idea of eating real food again.”

Jinyoung snorts. “So, you do admit that instant food isn’t real food.”

“I take it back. Don’t let them know of my betrayal.”

 

“I’ll walk you back,” Jaebum says later and they stroll towards Jinyoung’s house, not at all in a rush to get there. Their shoulders brush as Jaebum laughs at Jinyoung recounting whatever stupid thing Bambam and Yugyeom did that day.

“I can’t believe they roped you into doing it. You don’t look like the type to graffiti billboards.” Even with his face scrunched up in laughter, he still somehow looks beautiful.

“First of all, I don’t _want_ to look like the type to graffiti billboards. Second of all, those two are in constant need of parental supervision.” He scrolls through the pictures from that day and Jaebum nearly trips. 

“I mean you have to give them props. That is a really artistic ‘Fuck Your Whitewashing.’” Jaebum zooms in on Jinyoung’s face and smirks. “And you look like you’re enjoying yourself.”

“Shut up,” Jinyoung mumbles, but Jaebum laughs all the same. The moonlight in his hair and the way his voice carries in the wind makes Jinyoung only fall harder.

 

Jackson spends an enormous amount of time dedicated to laughing at Jinyoung.

“You know, if you keep laughing I’m never telling you anything ever again.”

“You’re so cute when you have a giant crush on someone.” He makes to pinch Jinyoung’s cheek, only to have his essay thrown in his face. “I’m joking! Please read this before I submit it in an hour. I wrote it at like 4 in the morning.”

“It’s not a crush,” Jinyoung whines.

“Yes sir.” Jackson salutes him in the most exaggerated manner possible. “You just like looking at the moonlight in his hair like normal people—Sorry! Come back, Jinyoung!”

Jinyoung flips him off as he leaves.

 

“It kind of is a crush.”

Jinyoung stares at Mark in complete and utter betrayal. “I can’t believe you’re siding with Jackson right now.”

“I’m not siding with Jackson. I’m stating the obvious, dummy.”

Jinyoung groans. “Why are you even here if you’re not going to help me?”

“To comfort me, I hope?” Youngjae sits in their booth looking like his nervous breakdown had a nervous breakdown. Mark immediately frets over him, asking if he’s sick, but Jinyoung knows through the series of frantic texts at 2 in the morning that he’s just worried because he was casted as the lead of the musical on his first try and people might talk.

“Youngjae, they don’t cast people they don’t have faith in.” Jinyoung squeezes Youngjae’s face when he refuses to look up. “You’re an amazing singer and if anyone says otherwise, Jackson probably knows everyone in the cast already and will gladly tell them off.”

“Are you not eating with us?” Mark asks as Jinyoung starts to pack up his stuff.

“I have to go feed Yugyeom because apparently, he forgot to eat all day yesterday.” Jinyoung ruffles Youngjae’s hair. “I’ll meet you after your rehearsal ends and you can let me know if I need to beat anyone up, okay?” Youngjae looks a little less worse-for-wear so Jinyoung considers it a small victory.

 

He doesn’t end up having to murder anyone in the musical. In fact, everyone in the cast seemed to be smitten with Youngjae as they should be. Jackson suggests they all go out to celebrate Youngjae’s success and Jinyoung half-wonders if Jaebum would come if he asked.

“Either ask him to come or put your phone down.” Jackson nearly smacks the phone out of Jinyoung’s hands.

“You’re burning a hole in the screen,” Yugyeom adds cheerfully. 

But, Jinyoung just sighs and puts his phone down for the 5th time.

“Can’t believe you’re already ignoring your best friend for some boy. I don’t like him,” Jackson wails and Bambam snickers so hard, he falls off the chair.

Jinyoung only sighs again.

He does end up texting him at some point.

 

 **[9:34 PM] From: Jaebum** **  
** _Busy. Sorry!_

 

Jinyoung sighs a lot recently.

 

\---

 

Jinyoung doesn’t know where it all went wrong. Yesterday, Jaebum nearly crushed him in a hug because he was elated at some musical breakthrough. As a gift, Jinyoung went out of his way to buy some expensive seafood pasta, but the moment he stepped in the studio, he knew something was off. The tension in the air is palpable. Jaebum won’t say why he’s so frustrated, but he’s been ripping up days of work for the past 10 minutes Jinyoung has been here. So, when Jinyoung grabs sheets of music out of his hands, Jaebum nearly snarls.

“You were so proud of this yesterday. Please don’t destroy it. You’ll regret it.”

“It doesn’t matter. Give it to me, Jinyoung.”

“Can’t you at least tell me why?” 

“Jinyoung.” His eyes narrow dangerously. “Give me the papers.”

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

“I don’t _need_ your help. Give me the papers and get out.” Jaebum’s voice is cold, distant.

Jinyoung thinks he should get angry, but all he feels is empty. He turns away before Jaebum can see the tears in his eyes and flees with the sheet music. He doesn’t get to see the instant regret on Jaebum’s face.

 

 **[3:49 AM] From: My Jinyoungie!!! (** **ღ˘** **⌣˘** **ღ)**  
_He doesn’t need my help_  
_I’m useless  
__He hates me_

 **[8:02 AM] From: Jacks**  
_who the FUCK said that????_  
_what the actual fuck_  
_park jinyoung listen to me_  
_u are NOT useless  
_ _jinyoungie???_

**[8:12 AM] 3 missed calls from ‘Jacks’**

**[8:27 AM] From: Jacks  
** _im coming over_

 

“How’s rehearsal going, bigshot?” Bambam asks as Youngjae approaches their table in the cafeteria.

Youngjae flushes. “We’ve been learning choreography.” He flops into one of the chair. “It’s really hard to sing and dance at the same time.” He glances around and frowns when he doesn’t see who he’s looking for. “Has anyone seen Jinyoung hyung? I got him chocolate.” 

“What? Why does he get chocolate and not me,” Bambam says, as he stuffs a mouthful of Youngjae’s salad in his mouth.

“Why would I give you chocolate? All you do is steal my food,” Youngjae huffs, smacking Bambam’s thieving hands away. “Jinyoung hyung helped me with auditions, callbacks, and he brought me and Yugyeom food while we were rehearsing my dance parts.”

Yugyeom hums in agreement. “I should do that too; he’s been helping me with my dance project too.”

Bambam stills. “He’s been helping me with management presentation.”

“Doesn’t Jinyoung have a midterm tomorrow?” Mark, who has been taking in all this information, finally speaks up.

There’s an uncomfortable silence when this fact settles in. A text from Jackson has them all scrambling out the cafeteria.

 

By the time they get to Jinyoung’s house, Jackson is already there, frowning at the door. “He changed his passcode.”

Mark sidesteps him to punch in another set of numbers. “He let me in the other day”—he pauses—“to help me with my new video.” 

They all crowd at the door of his bedroom, but when they see his slouched back and hear the sounds of furious writing, no one dares to take another step. Mark and Jackson chase everyone else out to go get snacks before going back into Jinyoung’s bedroom.

There were traces of everyone in here and normally, Jackson would find it endearing, but he knows this means that Jinyoung has been wearing himself thin to help everyone else. He sees copies of Youngjae’s sheet music and Bambam’s notes scattered on the bed. Several of Yugyeom’s dance routines as well as Mark’s new film are opened on Jinyoung’s laptop. When he sees one of his own essays pinned on the wall with detailed corrections, Jackson can’t help but feel guilty.

“Jinyoung-ah,” Mark starts, softly. “When’s the last time you slept?”

They get a noncommittal grunt. 

“Why are you locking yourself away from everyone? You know we won’t leave you just because you don’t help us with every little problem, right?” Jackson cuts in.

Jinyoung whips his head around in fury. “I know that,” he spits, venomously.

Jinyoung doesn’t get angry often, but when he does, it’s a raging storm that shreds everything in its wake.

“I fucking know that, but I can’t help it. Just because logic tells me that’s not how friendship works doesn’t mean that the little voice inside my brain will shut up. Just because I tell myself that my friends won’t leave me doesn’t mean I always believe it. Just because everyone loves to tell me that it’s okay doesn’t actually make it fucking okay. Because guess what”—the fire in his eyes die and is replaced by tears swelling and spilling. Suddenly, he doesn’t look like the intelligent Park Jinyoung who always has a biting comeback ready. He looks like a little boy who fell one too many times, years of sadness buried in his eyes—“the little voice is right. People do leave.” 

And in a second, Mark and Jackson have him engulfed in their arms. “We’re not going anywhere.” And it’s true.

“I know that.” Jinyoung’s voice is small and muffled and Jackson wishes he could protect him from the thoughts that gnaw at the boy from inside out. 

Mark pets his hair fondly. “You know we love you, right?” 

“Not in that way, though.” It’s soft and they almost miss it.

Jackson frowns. “Doesn’t mean we love you any less.”

“I know that.”

 

Jinyoung doesn’t mind that he falls a lot. He likes to think of himself as full of love. It’s hitting the ground that he minds. And right now, he’s six feet under, broken and battered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~This chapter is absolute garbage.~~
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> I’m back, but not really. School is tough, guys. Please take care of your health. 
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> Can you wager a guess what whitewashing garbage might be on that billboard?
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> And if you’re wondering what musical Youngjae is in, it won’t be said, but there is an extremely vague reference to it somewhere in this chapter. 
> 
> The final chapter will be posted when I’m not crawling home at the asscrack of dawn and trying to sleep for 2 hours before heading back to school.


End file.
